Don Wirth
Dec 9, 2009, 06:00 PM ET
Calling all Harry 'n' Charlie fans! Test your knowledge of bass fishing's most colorful redneck twosome by taking this quiz! Ready?
1.Which of the following females is Harry's old lady?
a.Zepha
b.Maybelline
c.Gertrude
d.Bertha
e.Sissy Belle
2.When Harry's wife is upset with him because he came home late from a fishin' trip, she's likely to:
a.scream and holler
b.bust his favorite hawg stick over her knee
c.hop a bus to Shreveport to stay with her momma
d.refuse to cook dinner
e.pop him upside the head with her cast iron skillet
3.What is the occupation of Harry's obnoxious brother-in law, Ralph?
a.professional income-tax evader
b.used car salesman
c.pyramid scheme operator
d.produces infomercials for Helicopter Lures and Banjo Minnows
e.chinchilla breeder
4.Which of the following is NOT a member of the Swamp Gas Corners Bass Club?
a.Zonker Dumbrowski
b.Wilbur Wangle
c.Big Moe
d.Lefty LePieux
e.Crusty Popodopolous
5.What is Harry's all-time favorite bass lure?
a.Rucky Claft clankbait
b.drop shot rig
c.scuppernong-flavored Jelly Worm
d.shaky head worm
e.spinnerbait with a blade the size of a Volkswagen hubcap
6.If Harry 'n' Charlie aren't bassin' on Belly Button Bayou, they're probably bassin' at:
a. Lake Fork
b. Lake Spoon
c. Lake Eufaula
d. Lake Erie
e. some farm pond they crawled under an electric fence to get to
7.When Harry 'n' Charlie stop on their way back from the lake for a refreshing adult beverage, they order up a couple of tall, frosty glasses of:
a.an amusing chardonnay
b.Bud Lite
c.Oertel's Crème Lager
d.Leinenkugel Northwoods Lager
e.Moose Head
8.The humongous bass that has broken Harry's line countless times over the years is called:
a.Ol' Iron Jaw
b.Potbelly Pete
c.Big Bertha
d.Big Momma
e.Heartbreak Hannah
9.Which of the following best describes Harry 'n' Charlie's trusty fishin' boat, Ol' Stump Jumper?
a.a 21-foot fiberglass bass missile with a 250-hp outboard
b.a leaking hulk of battered metal that wouldn't bring $2 at a yard sale
c.has all the bells but none of the whistles
d.recently upgraded with one of them electronic shad-calling gizmos
e.the envy of pro bassers everywhere
10.What low-down polecat is Harry's archrival in the Swamp Gas Corners Bass Club?
a.Big Moe
b.Timmy Tipp
c.Lefty LePieux
d.Dead-Eye Dingle
e.Wilbur Wangle
11.If Harry ain't on the water, you can probably find him:
a.watching his toes wiggle in the foot X-ray machine at the local shoe store
b.enjoying the mystery meat special at the Dew Drop Inn
c.watching the Godzilla rerun marathon on channel 82
d.rifling through the discontinued lures in the fishing tackle bargain bin at Swill-Mart
e.he's likely to be doing any of the above, if he ain't in the slammer
12.What ritual does bass club president Crusty Popodopolous perform at the start of every meeting?
a.bangs the official presidential gavel, sometimes on Harry's head
b.gives every member the secret bass club handshake
c.has members draw straws to see who gets to pay for his dinner
d.reminds members that their annual membership dues are overdue
e.asks the tournament director to give a report on the upcoming tournament
13.Which of the following best describes the action of Harry's favorite worm rod?
a.a limber butt and a stiff tip
b.less flexible than a pool cue
c.all the hook setting power of Tinker Bell's fairy wand
d.simply divine for finesse fishing
e.superb when paired with a spincast reel
14.What does Harry do for a living?
a.double yellow line painter for the county road crew
b.hairdresser
c.image consultant
d.fortune cookie writer
e.wedding planner
15.What does Charlie do for a living?
a.operates an online dating service for lonely bass fishermen
b.repairs 8-track tape players
c.owns an exterminating company called "Cooties-B-Gone"
d.drives a snack food delivery truck
e.delivers live minners 'n' crickets to boat docks
16.Which of the following excuses for not catching any bass would Harry be most likely to utter?
a."My electronic shad-calling gizmo malfunctioned."
b."My 250-horse outboard threw a rod."
c."That cold front got the best of me."
d."I should have fished a finesse worm instead of a Jelly Worm."
e."That @#%* Wilbur pilfered my drain plug!"
17.Where have Harry 'n' Charlie traveled on several occasions to try to catch a new world record smallmouth bass?
a.Lake Fork
b.Snail Hollow Lake
c.Lake Flatus
d.Lake Smoot
e.Lake Smedley
18.A freak ice storm blows in as Harry 'n' Charlie are on their way to Belly Button Bayou. What are they most likely to do?
a.turn around and head back home like any sane person would
b.hang around the boat ramp parking lot listening to show tunes on the truck radio until the ice melts
c.set fire to the boat ramp and go fishing
d.call up the TV weatherman and cuss him out
e.quiver in fear until help arrives
19.How can you tell which house on the block belongs to Harry?
a.the lawn hasn't been cut for years
b.there's a battered johnboat leaning up against the front porch
c.there's a package from Bass Pro Shops in the mailbox
d.the driveway is littered with ripped-up plastic worms
e.all of the above
20.When Harry wins the lottery, he'll:
a.buy his own 10,000-acre lake, stock it with lunkers and invite Wilbur Wangle to fish in it
b.donate all his winnings to PETA
c.realize his lifelong dream of owning a wig shop
d.endow a scholarship for mime at Swamp Gas Corners Community College
e.probably blow most of it in Swill-Mart's fishing tackle department
QUIZ ANSWERS
1. B. It's a marriage made in heaven, or somewhere thereabouts.
2. E. And Harry's got the lumps to prove it!
3. B. He once conned Harry into buying a 1948 Crosley station wagon for a tow vehicle!
4. A. He owns the tavern where the bass clubbers hang out.
5. C. Most of the huge bass Harry's lost over the years bit it.
6. E. They're so good at crawling under fences, they could win a limbo contest!
7. C. It's the nectar of the gods!
8. A. That bass has made a wreck out of poor Harry!
9. B. It's a junker, but they love it!
10. E. The mere mention of his name makes Harry's blood boil!
11. E. But I believe I'd check the slammer first.
12. A. And Harry's got the lumps to prove it!
13. B. All the better to cross their eyes with!
14. A. Or as Harry refers to himself, "The Picasso of the pavement."
15. D. In a typical day he'll eat his weight in beer nuts.
16. E. Harry's credo: When in doubt, blame Wilbur!
17. B. This is where Harry first learned how to lose a big bass on finesse tackle.
18. C. That's one way to melt the ice!
19. E. Of course, he ain't home he's gone fishin'.
20. E. Like Harry says
you can never have too much bassin' gear!
HERE'S HOW YOU RATE
Number correct & Your official rating
20You're either a genius or you cheated.
19You missed the one about Harry's brother-in-law.
18-15You're pretty smart, but not as smart as you think you are.
14-10In the future, pay closer attention when reading this Web site.
9-5Your application for "Dummy of the Month" has been approved.
4-0You're Harry's brother-in-law.
